2008

2008 has been a very up and down kind of year. Here's a little review...

• Brian graduated from Pharmacy School after 6 years in St. Louis and moved back into the same zip code as me!
• The day after Brian's graduation ceremony his Grandmother on his mom's side passed away...did I mention she passed away just a little over a month away from our wedding?
• June came in a hurry...
• Just days before the wedding...Brian decided it would be a good idea for him to take his Pharmacy Boards. As we were packing for the wedding and honeymoon he was trying to study for his boards. He got through his boards and was relieved, although now he had to wait for his results.
• June 21st was the best day of my life, so far anyway. Brian and I finally became husband and wife. It was a perfect day and we could not be any happier with the way our day went. After the wedding ceremony and reception we made our way to the Caribbean Island of Saint Lucia. We spent seven wonderful days in a tropical paradise. We went dolphin and whale watching, sailing (which we discovered was not for Brian), sight seeing, shopping, and just enjoying each other's company.
• During our honeymoon Brian found out that he passed his boards by looking online. As we returned to the states and to reality, Brian awaited his Pharmacist license. Once he received his letter and license, he immediately started doing training at Wal-Mart to be a pharmacist who travelled from store to store. He was based in the Branson store, thank goodness, because they needed someone and he was there.
• In August we bought and moved into our very first home! Our house is just minutes away from our best friends...not to mention a short drive from both sets of parents.
• In October, Brian started his new job through with the Public Health Service. He loves his job. He works Monday thru Friday and the lastest he works is 5:30 in the afternoon.
• In November, Brian's other grandmother passed away...just days before Thanksgiving.
• We celebrated our first Thanksgiving as a married couple! Both sets of parents came to our house and we had a "pot luck" Thanksgiving. My parents brought some things, his parents brought a few things, and I made macaroni and cheese.
• In December, we celebrated my 24th birthday and our first Christmas as a married couple. Brian spent his first week oncall the week of Christmas, so we hosted Christmas for our families. Both sets of parents and my Opa came up on Christmas day for lunch and presents. We had another "pot luck" meal with our families, which was pretty darn good.
• Now here we are just hours from 2009. 2008 has been a year of ups and downs...good and bad things, but everything that happened has brought me much closer to my husband and the rest of my family.

Random Thoughts

• Babies are everywhere! I know so many people who are pregnant or just had a baby. It is definetely helping my baby fever...yes I know that it isn't all cuteness with babies...they cry, they poop, they eat, they spit up...but they are so cute and such bundles of joy...
  
  
• I love having time off from school. It was just what I needed. The only problem...I don't want to go back. I have enjoyed being at home with my puppies.


• I love being married. My husband is a great guy and I am very lucky to have him.



• I am actually jealous of my husband. Why am I jealous? He has a job that he loves. His job is unique and he has some interesting stories from it. Don't get me wrong...I love my job. I love the look that comes over a student's face when they understand something. It is a very rewarding job, but the politics sometimes outweigh the good. I know he faces politics and such in his job, but he almost always seems excited to head to work. I have noticed it more in the past couple weeks because I have been off.



• I have become a little addicted to sewing. I know, who would have thought I would become that much of a "Susie Homemaker" (as my friend likes to say?) I even enjoy cooking and being a hostess.

Merry Christmas

Awesome MySpace Comments & Myspace Layouts

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope that joy and happiness finds each and every person this Christmas season. Emjoy being with your families and remember to cherish each moment you have with the ones you love.

I love learning new things on blogger! I knew I could add "gadgets," but tonight I discovered that I could add things like picture of the day from different places. There are so many other things that can go be added! I'm so excited...now I just have to find the time to actually be able to sit and look through them.

I apologize if this is a bunch of rambling, but I have a lot on my mind and feel that I should get it out. I'm not even sure why I apologized, I don't know that many people even read my blog anyway.

• It is strange to me that my Oma has been gone for 3 years. Some days are better than others, but the good days had been outweighing the bad. At least until my husband lost both of his Grandmothers within 6 months of each other. I wouldn't say that my days have been all bad, but going through the funerals for those two amazing women made me think back to what I went through when Oma passed away. All of those emotions I had then were back, and full force. I was an emotional wreck. I tried as hard as I could to be strong for my husband, but I broke down just watching him. It was heart wrenching to see him break down. He is a strong person though, I must say that.
• I have gone back and forth emotionally on where I am in my career. Am I happy? Yes and no. I love teaching, but all of the paperwork for my department is stressful. The stress builds up and affects my personal life. I get so stressed out that I can't enjoy spending time with my husband, our families, and our friends because I am constantly thinking about things I need to do for work. Am I where I want to be? Yes and no. I love teaching. I really don't know what I would do if I wasn't teaching. I love helping the students that I teach. I love seeing the "I GET IT!" moments. Those are the moments I live for as a teacher...then there's the paperwork and the stress of my department. I have been told on a couple of different occasions by the same person that my paperwork from last year was awful. What do they expect from a first year teacher with hardly any background in that field and with VERY little training or guidance? I wouldn't expect it to be anywhere near perfect. I did the best that I could with what little knowledge I had. I felt that for my first year I did a good job of keeping my head above the water, and that was my goal.
• I have been thinking about other options I have for next year. Nothing really sounds good. I guess I will just have to keep thinking about my options and go with what feels right. Sometimes I feel like I just want to switch departments and sometimes I feel like not teaching at all.

Just thinking

In just 2 short days I will have been without my Oma for 3 years. It is extremely hard to believe that it has been 3 years. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday, and other times it feels so far away. I still miss her, a lot. I think about her a lot. I miss seeing her smiling face and hearing her German accent. I still wish that she was here, I wish she could have been at the wedding. I know that she loved Brian and was so happy that he and I were together. I know even though she wasn't there physically, she was there in spirit. She was watching over us and making sure that we were having the best day we could possibly have. I also know that she wasn't alone in doing that. Brian also had two grandparents watching over us and helping to make sure we had a great day.

It's also hard to believe that in the past 6 months I have attended two funerals. Both funerals were for very important women in my husband's life, his grandmothers. His grandmother on his mom's side passed away that day after he graduated from college, and 1 month before our wedding. His grandmother on his dad's side passed away the Sunday before Thanksgiving. It was a blessing for her, no matter how hard it was for us. She was ready to go, and had been ready to go for some time. Even though she was ready, the family never is ready to let go of someone they love. I know that these wonderful people are gone from physical viewing, but they will forever be watching over us and helping us through the tough times that are to come in our lives.

Ugh

Just when I get to a point of being OKAY with something, there's always a "bomb" thrown in the picture. This one made me feel like I'm a complete idiot. Great, huh? I was finally to a point that I wasn't frustrated anymore, and now this. I'm so glad it's the weekend.

Update

Here's a quick update on my cousin. He is home! His skin graft surgery for his hand went well. He will have to stay home from school for a week and once he starts wearing the protective glove he can go back to school. I thought I would update everyone on his progress.

Halloween

We had our first trick-or-treaters ever last night!! Brian and I decorated just a little, and I promise there will be pictures this evening when I get home from the parades. That's right...paradeS...more than one. Anyway...we decorated the walkway up to our front door and then decided we would sit outside with the candy bowl just in case. We had 3 groups, I was kinda sad we didn't have more...but we're the last house at the top of a hill right now. Needless to say, the kids that did stop by our house got a TON of candy. We definetely made their day. Well...pictures will come later. I have to get ready for the parades.

Precious...

You never realize how precious life really is until something happens to remind you of this. No, nobody in my family died, but my cousin was very, very lucky. A couple of my cousins on my dad's side are country boys. One of my cousins was having a bon fire with some of his friends and the fire flashed back on him while he was holding the kerosene. Luckily he was wearing several layers of clothing and had a full beard. My cousin was fully engulfed in flames for a little while (I don't know how long). He has second degree burns on his face and neck and third degree burns on his hand that was holding the kerosene. If it hadn't been for those extra layers of cloths he may not be here today. He is obviously in the burn unit close to his home, but he is okay. I am so thankful that he's okay. Like I said...it just goes to show how precious life is and in a matter of seconds it can be taken away. Make sure you let those you love know every chance you get because you never know when they could be taken away from you.

Thoughts

I have been giving some serious thought to what I want to do next year. I love being a teacher, but I feel like I am already burning out. I put my everything into it last year and have been putting my everything into it this year and have mixed feelings about certain things. I know this would be the case with almost any career, so I'm not too worried about it. I would love to start a family sometime in the near future, but I'm not sure that will happen anytime soon. Financially we aren't in the place we would like to be to start a family and I'm not sure that we're both ready for the added responsibility having a family brings. When we do start a family, I do not want to work. I want to be able to stay home and enjoy being a mom and wife. Right now, I barely have time to enjoy being a wife. I have jumped in head first for things at school, and sometimes I feel as though I have put a huge strain on my relationship with my husband. We hardly get to see each other right now because of our work schedules...mostly mine. I leave the house around 5:30 or 5:45 in the morning and don't get home until after 5:00 most days. I have several days where I put in over 12 hours at school. I know that marching season will soon be over (Saturday is our last competition and then we have a few parades), which will be nice...but almost as soon as marching season is over winter guard season starts. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited for winter guard. I really think this upcoming season will be a great one.

Enough from me for now...I have to get ready for the long day ahead of me.

Ozark Mountain Festival results

The Pride of Branson Marching Band did well in their second competition of the season. It was an unusually early evening, we got back to the school around 9:15 last night. Very unusual for most marching competitions. Anyway...the Pride placed first in prelims and finals. We also got outstanding auxiliary (guard) and outstanding hornline in prelims. In finals we got outstanding auxiliary and percussion (the only two caption awards given during finals.) The kids did a fantastic job yesterday. They improved their scores in all areas from prelims to finals. I am extremely proud of them all.

Valhalla Results

Well the kids did an amazing job yesterday! I am so proud of them all. The band placed third in their division and made it into finals. They went in to finals in 6th place. They got 6th place in finals and had two amazing performances yesterday.

We were very close to winning a few of the captions awards (guard, percussion, music, general effect, etc). We were second in percussion and guard...percussion by 5 points and guard by 3 points. All in all, it was a good day and the kids seemed to have a blast!

Marching Competition!

Today is the first Marching Competition for the band and guard! I'm so excited, and a little nervous. The kids did a fantastic job last night at the home football game! (Our football team was awesome too!) I can't wait for the competition today. We have a practice starting at 8 and then we're heading to Springfield. I will post how the kids did and maybe even some pictures tomorrow...once I get home and recover from the day.

Travel Bug...still

I still have the travel bug. Ever since my trip to Alaska during Spring Break last year, I have wanted to go back and see more. I would love to be able to stay there for more than just one week, maybe someday I will get the opportunity to do that. I would really like to go while the Iditarod is taking place. Brian was ther during that and said it was extremely neat. If you're wondering why I would want to go during the coldest time of the year, let me show you why...

These are just a couple of the amazing sites that are there. I can't wait to go back there and see more. Well that's all for now, I need to get ready for work.

Stress Central

I feel as though my life is stress central...anyone have any stress? Bring it my way, because that seems to be what most of the people in my life are doing at this moment in time. I am an easy person to stress out, and I do a great job of stressing myself out without the help of other people. If I put the stress that I have already created myself with the stress created by other people for me...we get a very stressed out Angela. When I get stressed, I begin to shut down. That's exactly what is happening now. I'm shutting down. I don't want to do anything, I feel like crap because I'm make myself sick, and I feel like I'm stupid and get mad because I feel like I'm stupid. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything now. I would be truly happy if I didn't have to work anymore right now, and that really upsets me. My career has become work...and I'm only in my second year. This is not the mindset that I want to be in, but no matter how hard I try to get out of it I keep coming back to it. I am still hopeful that things will change...hopefully it will change. I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't change...

I'm back

After a long break from the blogging world, I'm back. We have since moved into our house and have started to get a few things in place. We have been in the house for about a month and a half. Our garage is still completely filled with boxes and other stuff, so we are still parking our cars in our driveway. Our goal is to get the garage cleaned out by Halloween...we'll see if that happens.

School has started, and I'm already stressed out. Things are more stressful as a second year teacher than they were last year for me. I'm hoping that it will calm down a little in the next month or so.

As soon as we get a little more settled in our house I will post some pictures.

A short break

Band camp was awesome! The kids worked so hard and kept positive attitudes. I got to know more members of the band and my guard girls a little better. I can't wait to see the finished show! This is going to be a great year!

I still have the travel "bug." There are so many places I want to go. I have also decided that I want to go to the Olympics and watch at some point in time. Not necessarily within this decade, but eventually I want to go. I imagine it being a neat experience.

My week so far part 2

Band camp has gone by quickly. I can't believe that we're almost done with it. The kids are doing an amazing job and the energy they have is awesome! The entire first movement is on the field! Not only have they learned the drill for the entire first movement, but they can play and march it! It has been an exhausting week and I'm feeling it, but I have had a lot of fun being with these kids! I can't wait to get the entire show on the field because it's going to look and sound great! Good work this week guys and keep it up!

My week so far

I'm sitting here waiting for a CD to burn for one of my guard girls, so I thought I would post. This week has been exhausting and it's only Wednesday morning, but I must say that I have had fun. Band camp from a staff point of view is different, but not as different as it could be. I'm not out there busting my butt to march, but I'm out in the heat with the kids and helping to encourage them. It has been extremely hot the past couple days, but it's supposed to be a little cooler today. Well I must be off to day 3 of 2008 Band Camp.

Traveling...

For some reason I have really been itching to travel. I don't know where...just travel. I want to go on a cruise, I want to go back to Alaska, I want to travel to Europe, I want to travel to other parts of the US (both east and west)...basically I just want to travel.


I want to travel to a place like this:

Then beautiful Alaska...

In no particular order some other places I want to go...

Berlin:

Paris:

Rome:

There are so many other places I want to go...but I won't bore anyone with more, right now anyway...

Wordle

Our photographer had one of these on her website and I thought it was neat. If you want to create one here is the website to do so....http://wordle.net

House soon...and some other random thoughts

Some random information in the first bulletin and in the other two just some random thoughts I have had the past couple days.

• Brian got a call from the loan person yesterday and Brian pretty much has the loan, except for the appraisal of the house. He is going to set that up and then we should be able to move into the house soon.
• We have been married for a little over a month! It's been great so far, but I'm ready to have a house that we can call ours. I just realized something too...I don't think we even celebrated our one month of being married. We took my parents out to dinner for their anniversary and my dad's birthday, but we didn't celebrate our one month. I'm not even sure that we said anything about it. Oh well...random though I had and wanted to get out there.
• Another random thought: I want to start loosing weight again. I was a slacker and didn't loose weight for the wedding like I had hoped to, so I'm going to start now. I want to start working out and eating a little healthier than I have been. Really Brian and I both want to be healthier, so what better way than to work out together?

Enough of my randomness...I have to get ready for work anyway.

Patience is a Virtue...

I am slowly running out of patience. We were supposed to close on our house before the end of this month...but it's looking as though we will have to wait because of the stupid bank loan. Brian has wonderful credit...mine isn't as good...so after much talking (all done before we got married) Brian applied for the loan on his own. Great! Only problem is that he didn't work January-May because he was on rotations...and of course the loan person is looking at his year to date pay, which isn't what it should be. On top of that the loan person is looking at the substantial amount of debt Brian has because of Pharmacy school. Brian has had to play a lot of phone tag and send a butt load of paperwork via fax to the loan person and the loan person is being a total !*@# (insert explicative here) about everything. I have been so excited about the house and getting to be in it by the end of this month, but it isn't going to happen. It could be another couple weeks or more before we are able to close on the house.

On a happier note about the house...it's almost finished! Really the only thing left is the shelving in the closets (which Brian's dad is putting in) and carpet. Now I just have to try and be patient as the bank gets in gear and lets us have the money so we can close on the house. Me patient?? Yeah right...

I'm learning

As I play more and more with Blogger I am learning more! I was looking at some other blogs and discovered that some have music and extra pictures and more. So I started looking around and figured it out on my own. I just had to share my discovery. :)

House Update...again

Brian and I went by the house with my parents today and they have done a lot more! The dishwasher and microwave are out of the boxes and in their respective places in the kitchen. The stove is out of the box, but is sitting in the dining room. The light fixtures are all in their respective places...even the outside lights are on. Really the only things left now are a few more electrical outlets (ie: phone and cable outlets) need to be finished, sinks and toilets need to be put in, and carpet!! Then of course electricity and water need to be turned on. I am so excited!! We are so close to having a house! I can't wait to finally move in!!

House Update

The hosue is getting closer and closer to being finished! Brian and I went to look at it and it has been painted, the doors are on, the fixtures are almost all on, the counters are up, and the appliances were there waiting to be put in! I'm very ready for the house to be done. I can't wait to have a place we can call ours. I may try and update with pictures after I get home from work.

Wedding pictures!!

Our wedding pictures are up!!!! Just two short weeks after our special day, the photographer put the pictures up on her website!! They are all amazing and it will be difficult to choose which pictures we would like to put in our wedding album. The nice thing is that we are going to get a high resolution CD as well, so we will have ALL of our wedding pictures and the copyright for them. Our photographer did an amazing job! I'm so glad we chose her to be our photographer!

To view...go to: www.starryeyedproductions.net
Then click on recent sessions and scroll to our picture. Click on the picture...that will take you to another page. Once there click on the picture under the slideshow and input information asked for. Then enjoy the pictures!

We're home!!

We are finally home...and happy to be here. We had a great time on our honeymoon, but we were ready to get home. Now that we're home, I have a lot of stuff to do. I have to figure out if our marriage license was sent in because I need to get a couple certified copies so I can start on my name change stuff. I also have to change my name on my credit cards and bills and all that. I'm hoping to get all of that taken care of this week, but we'll see if I do or not.

Last full day in St. Lucia

Brian and I didn't do anything exciting today...we just vegged in our room today. It was nice and relaxing, especially laying there listening to the rain. We can officially say it rained every day while we were on our honeymoon. We played a little Egyptian Rat Screw and watched tv and took a nap...that was our day.

We have officially become blog/website stalkers. I think we have checked our photographer's blog and website about 20 times today to see if there was anything new up. It's actually extremely funny. We've checked it so many times, yet we're disappointed each time there's nothing new...even though we know there won't be anything new there since she is probably taking pictures at another wedding today. Oh well...we're just REALLY excited to see our pictures!!

Beach

We went to a beach today. The easiest way to get to the beach was by water taxi. We had a picnic lunch and the beach mostly to ourselves. There were a few locals there fishing, but for the most part they left us alone. We did have one offer us coconuts and mangos for a small price and another offered to let us eat our lunch in his shelter because it was raining. We turned both down. It rained a little while we were at the beach, but it was nothing like home. Here if it rains...it only rains for a few minutes and even then it's only rain...no thunder storms, no raining ALL day long. Just a few scattered showers every now and then. After the beach we came back to our room and just relaxed. The best thing about this week is that it's been relaxing...very relaxing. I'm going to be sad to leave Sunday, but then again I'll be happy to be going home. I'm ready to get back to a fairly normal schedule...and food that isn't strange to me. I have eaten things I wouldn't normally eat, but I'm ready to have my "normal" food.

Oh yeah...our photographer has put up one picture on her website and under the photo it says Coming soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The picture is awesome!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to see more!!!!!!!!!

Castries

Castries was fun. We got there by boat...and the trip was beautiful. I would have been okay with just staying on the boat and riding all day. Castries had a couple of neat markets that we went to, but the people there kept trying to get us to buy something from their booth. They just don't leave you alone...at least we didn't have a guy follow us around for 20 minutes like another couple that went on the trip did. We got some neat souvenirs and a few gifts for our parents and friends back home. All in all...it was a good day.

We have decided that we are electricity junkies...we decided that yesterday when the power was out for a few hours. We didn't know what to do. We laid out on our deck, got in the plunge pool, and then decided to go back into our room and take a nap in the hope that time would go by a little quicker. It didn't though. We jumped for joy when the electricity came back on. Obviously we're internet junkies...because we've been online every day since we've been here. We are still very much enjoying our honeymoon, but it's nice to have a lifeline to home. Our cell phones don't work here...which kind of stinks, but it's also been kind of nice. Well back to spending time with my hubby...:)

Honeymoon

So far our honeymoon has been great!! Once getting over the jet lag...Brian and I went on an evening sail/snorkel last night. We discovered that sailing is NOT for Brian. Poor thing spent most of the sail hanging over the back end of the boat throwing up. Today we went on a whale/dolphin watch. We saw a bunch of dolphins, but no whales...I was excited. It was paradise...I got to see dolphins and was with my husband!!!! We were planning on going deep sea fishing tomorrow, but unfortunately not enough people signed up for it...so the new plan is for us to go to Castries tomorrow instead. We are planning on going to find something that serves American food...don't get me wrong, the food here is good...but I want a freaking hamburger!! We have already planned our dinner for when we fly back in to the states. We're going to order pizza once we get to the hotel in Atlanta. Well that's all for now.

Finally

I'm a married woman!! It felt like our day would never arrive, but it did...and it was perfect. Not even a jerk of a groomsman could dampen our day. When you have a large wedding party there is bound to be somebody who is a pain in the butt...we had our one. The sad thing is that he has been Brian's friend for years...since their freshmen year of high school. He didn't spend much time at all with us over the weekend...really he was only there when he had to be. Since he didn't want to be there, I guess it was better that he didn't spend that much time with us.

Anyway...our day was perfect. It rained just a little when we first saw each other...which was actually perfect. Brian had just turned around to see me for the first time that day and the rain started coming down, not hard though. My comment to him was that it was perfect timing as we were standing in a gazebo. It was perfect timing in the since that we knew his Granny Mac and my Oma were watching and were happy for us. It brought to mind the song "Holes in the Floor of Heaven." If you haven't heard it you won't understand what I'm talking about, but if you have heard it, it makes sense. The rain stopped and we were off to take more pictures with our wedding party before we went to the Butterfly House. The photographer and videographers were amazing...I can't say enough about them! Sabrina and Michelle, our coordinators, were amazing as well. They made sure everything went smoothly...and it did.

The ceremony was perfect. Brother Larry did an amazing job!! The reception was perfect as well! Great food, awesome cake, great music, and great company. There were so many people there that we hadn't seen for a while. Everyone was amazed at how beautiful the Butterfly House was...and everybody seemed to have a great time. I know Brian and I did. We could not have asked for our day to have been any better than it was!!

Now we're on our honeymoon in St. Lucia. The first day was a little rough, but I blame that on getting about 2 hours of sleep the night before. We were a little disappointed at first at the location of the resort. The website is a little misleading because it says the resort is a 10-15 minute walk from a beach. I took that as a beach you can go and relax at and swim...well it's not. There are a couple of public beaches close, but they are about a 10-20 minute DRIVE from where we are staying. We are no longer disappointed, though. We went on a tour of the city of Soufriere yesterday...and tonight we are going on an evening cruise. The evening cruise will take us to a beach where we can snorkel and swim and then bring us back around sunset while we drink champagne and eat hors' douerves (I have no idea if I spelled that right.) Tomorrow we are going whale and dolphin watching, Thursday we are going to try and go deep sea fishing, Friday we are going to go on a glass bottom boat to see some of the coral reefs, and then on Saturday we are going to go by boat to Castries to shop and see what it's like (to see if we want to come back to St. Lucia and stay there instead of where we are). Don't get me wrong...wher we are now is beautiful, but it wasn't exactly what we were wanting. Well that's all for now. I have to get ready to go on the evening cruise.

Sleepless...

I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep...and that just wasn't working out very well. I started to think about the wedding and how some very special and important people in our lives won't be there.

My Oma was a very special woman in my life, as a Grandmother should be. Whenever I pictured my wedding day, I pictured all four of my Grandparens there watching me as I walk toward the love of my life. I will still have 3 there, but there's still a void...a hole. She has been gone 2 and a half years and there are still days where it doesn't seem real. It seems like I should call Opa and hear Oma in the background saying, "Jerry, who is it?" I miss her smiling face. She would always light up when she would see Brian and me. I miss her so much...as do so many other people. Opa has been very emotional lately, as the wedding approaches the more he thinks about how Oma would have loved to have been here. We all know Oma will be there at the wedding in a front row seat, and a HUGE smile on her face.

Grandma Mac won't be there either...she passed away May 18...the day after Brian graduated from STLCOP. It's still hard to believe she's gone. I went with his parents to help clean her apartment out, and it was weird to think that she would never step foot in there again. I can still see her face light up when she would open that door to see Brian and me standing there. She was so excited for the wedding too...she wrote in her Blessings Book that she had to get strong so she could walk at the wedding in a month, that was written a few days before she passed away. I miss her too...but again, I know she will be there at the wedding in a front row seat right next to my Oma...and they will both have HUGE smiles on their faces.

I know they won't be at the wedding physically, but they will be there in so many other ways. In our thoughts, in pictures, and in spirit. They are both missed a lot.

What a week

It's been a crazy week. Brian graduated from STLCOP on May 17! Now he is just waiting for his paperwork to come back so he can sign up to take the boards. Once he's licensed he will train as a pharmacist at Wal-Mart and float, once he's comfortable. He'll do that until October...when he will be starting with the Federal Prison in Springfield, as long as all of his paperwork goes through. Needless to say, Saturday May 17 was a great day! Then came Sunday May 18...when Brian and I got to his house we found out that his Grandmother on his mom's side (the one who lived with them for many years) passed away unexpectedly. She was in a Nursing Home for rehab after having back surgery 3 weeks earlier and was doing great. She had been at a church service and wheeled herself back to her room in a wheelchair. When one of the Nursing Home workers went to check on her she was gone. It has been hard watching him, because he is just torn to pieces. He told me yesterday that he just feels numb...like it didn't happen...it's surreal. I completely understand how he feels...I've been through it too. Anyway...her funeral was last week on Thursday in Farmington...and I was fortunate enough that my Principal let me off for the two days Brian and his parents would be in Farmington.

Well, as much as I hate to go, I must finish getting ready for work...it's the last Tuesday of this school year!! I'm ready to be finished with my first year.

Thinking too much?

It's 5 am and I've been awake for about 3 hours. I woke up to the wind outside the house blowing like crazy...no big deal. I started thinking about a few things I need to do...again, no big deal. I wrote down my "to do" list and got back into bed. I listened to some music and tried to go back to sleep. Here I am 3 hours later, unable to sleep because I'm thinking about anything and everything. There is so much going on right now that I don't even know where to start. I don't know what to do. I feel very lost in so many ways. It's not just work either...usually it has to do with that, but not all of it does this time. A majority of my thinking is work related and things I need to do for that, but a small amount of my thoughts are not work related. Brian and I are looking into a fairly big investment in our lives...and I'm super excited about it, but I'm also nervous. We have our hopes up...and I'm afraid we'll be disappointed. I hope I'm wrong. I'm not going to say what this big investment is for various reasons...in time I will let the cat out of the bag. His Grandma isn't doing very well. She had surgery and it went great. She was released to a nursing home and they're screwing up her medicine. My Grandma had surgery the same day his did. Her surgery went well too. She went home and Grandpa took her back to the hospital because her blood pressure was going up. The hospital he took her too was concerned and said she needed to be near the heart specialist and they transported her to a hospital about 2 hours from where they were. She is okay, she went home the next day...which my loving parents forgot to tell me. I found out when Mom was talking to Opa on the phone. Opa is having a hard time right now with the wedding coming up. This is the first big thing in our family since Oma passed away. He sent me a check for my bridal shower and told mom he was going to because Oma would have been there and given me something. He broke down as he was saying it. I'm afraid that one of my Grandparents or one of Brian's Grandparents won't be able to make it to the wedding...I know it would crush me to not have them there, and I'm sure it would crush him as well.

I miss my Oma...and as the Wedding day gets closer I am really realizing that she isn't going to be there to see me walk down the aisle. I know she will be there in spirit, but I always imagined my wedding day with all four of my grandparents being there. I know that she's in a better place and she's not in pain anymore...and it's selfish of me...but I miss her and wish she was still here. I know it's a part of life, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Well I'm done for now...

Time is flying

It's hard to believe that in a little over a month Brian and I will be standing in front of our family and friends saying, "I do." I'm extremely excited! I had my Bridal Shower on Sunday and got some great stuff! Brian and I have been working on our invitations...and it has been a huge pain in the butt. I will be glad when those are out of my hands and in the mail...and hopefully that will be tomorrow. Well I need to finish getting ready for work, so that's all for now.

The more time that goes by the more I think. I think about Spring Break and how beautiful Alaska is. I think about how I want to move there and see more. I think about how even though I am told what a great job I am doing at work, that my heart just isn't in it anymore. I used to have this huge desire to teach. Now, well, that desire seems to be gone. I find myself thinking about how I can't wait to not have to work. It sounds horrible, I know. I don't know what is going on right now. I am pretty sure it is just the first year teacher stress, plus the stress of being a special services teacher, and the added stress of planning a wedding. I find myself thinking of other careers I could go into. There is nothing that jumps out at me the way that teaching did. Once Brian and I decide to start a family I want to be a stay at home mom, so I keep thinking about that as well. That could be a way to not have to go back next year...but I know I have several young ladies expecting me to be there and support them. I can't let them down, they have had a lot of that. There hasn't been very much consistency in their lives as guard members. I want the program to have some more consistency to get it built back up. It needs that. So, I will stay for at least another year or two. By then Brian and I will be close to possibly moving to Alaska.

Checks!

We had a good meeting with our coordinator as well as with the bakery. Brian and I talked with the owner of the bakery and he gave us a great deal on our cake! We're both extremely excited about our cake...it is very unique!! Even the owner of the bakery is excited about it! Brian and a couple of the guys in the wedding party also got fitte for their tuxes! We're 70 days from the big day! We still have a few incidentals to purchase, but for the most part we're ready.

Yet another blog

I decided to start another blog. I'm not sure why, but I have. I have one for the wedding and another personal one, but I apparently thought I needed one more.

Things have been crazy lately. I thought things would die down after Winter Guard was over, but things have not calmed down at all. If anything they have become even more crazy. The wedding is a little over 2 months away and we still have a lot to do. Surprisingly enough, I'm not really freaking out. I am a little bitter about the bachelor/bachelorette party we planned for this weekend that hardly any of our wedding party will be at...but I will get to see my cousin and a couple friends that I haven't seen for a while. Like always, there's good and bad things about it. Brian wants to go sky diving. I want to go too...I'm just not sure that there will be enough time this weekend. Not only are we having our joint party, but we are also meeting with our wedding coordinator and talking to the bakery that we want to have make our cake.