Thinking too much?

It's 5 am and I've been awake for about 3 hours. I woke up to the wind outside the house blowing like crazy...no big deal. I started thinking about a few things I need to do...again, no big deal. I wrote down my "to do" list and got back into bed. I listened to some music and tried to go back to sleep. Here I am 3 hours later, unable to sleep because I'm thinking about anything and everything. There is so much going on right now that I don't even know where to start. I don't know what to do. I feel very lost in so many ways. It's not just work either...usually it has to do with that, but not all of it does this time. A majority of my thinking is work related and things I need to do for that, but a small amount of my thoughts are not work related. Brian and I are looking into a fairly big investment in our lives...and I'm super excited about it, but I'm also nervous. We have our hopes up...and I'm afraid we'll be disappointed. I hope I'm wrong. I'm not going to say what this big investment is for various reasons...in time I will let the cat out of the bag. His Grandma isn't doing very well. She had surgery and it went great. She was released to a nursing home and they're screwing up her medicine. My Grandma had surgery the same day his did. Her surgery went well too. She went home and Grandpa took her back to the hospital because her blood pressure was going up. The hospital he took her too was concerned and said she needed to be near the heart specialist and they transported her to a hospital about 2 hours from where they were. She is okay, she went home the next day...which my loving parents forgot to tell me. I found out when Mom was talking to Opa on the phone. Opa is having a hard time right now with the wedding coming up. This is the first big thing in our family since Oma passed away. He sent me a check for my bridal shower and told mom he was going to because Oma would have been there and given me something. He broke down as he was saying it. I'm afraid that one of my Grandparents or one of Brian's Grandparents won't be able to make it to the wedding...I know it would crush me to not have them there, and I'm sure it would crush him as well.

I miss my Oma...and as the Wedding day gets closer I am really realizing that she isn't going to be there to see me walk down the aisle. I know she will be there in spirit, but I always imagined my wedding day with all four of my grandparents being there. I know that she's in a better place and she's not in pain anymore...and it's selfish of me...but I miss her and wish she was still here. I know it's a part of life, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Well I'm done for now...