I apologize if this is a bunch of rambling, but I have a lot on my mind and feel that I should get it out. I'm not even sure why I apologized, I don't know that many people even read my blog anyway.

• It is strange to me that my Oma has been gone for 3 years. Some days are better than others, but the good days had been outweighing the bad. At least until my husband lost both of his Grandmothers within 6 months of each other. I wouldn't say that my days have been all bad, but going through the funerals for those two amazing women made me think back to what I went through when Oma passed away. All of those emotions I had then were back, and full force. I was an emotional wreck. I tried as hard as I could to be strong for my husband, but I broke down just watching him. It was heart wrenching to see him break down. He is a strong person though, I must say that.
• I have gone back and forth emotionally on where I am in my career. Am I happy? Yes and no. I love teaching, but all of the paperwork for my department is stressful. The stress builds up and affects my personal life. I get so stressed out that I can't enjoy spending time with my husband, our families, and our friends because I am constantly thinking about things I need to do for work. Am I where I want to be? Yes and no. I love teaching. I really don't know what I would do if I wasn't teaching. I love helping the students that I teach. I love seeing the "I GET IT!" moments. Those are the moments I live for as a teacher...then there's the paperwork and the stress of my department. I have been told on a couple of different occasions by the same person that my paperwork from last year was awful. What do they expect from a first year teacher with hardly any background in that field and with VERY little training or guidance? I wouldn't expect it to be anywhere near perfect. I did the best that I could with what little knowledge I had. I felt that for my first year I did a good job of keeping my head above the water, and that was my goal.
• I have been thinking about other options I have for next year. Nothing really sounds good. I guess I will just have to keep thinking about my options and go with what feels right. Sometimes I feel like I just want to switch departments and sometimes I feel like not teaching at all.